When The Problem is 90% Their Fault

Lots of times in life, we get into the middle of a problem where more than one person is to blame. Whether it’s at work or in your personal life, it can be frustrating for someone else’s problems to cause us stress.

The thing with stress is, it’s a choice. What someone else does is completely out of our control.

Instead of badgering someone else for all that they’ve done wrong or feeling sorry for yourself because of the bad things that happened, consider this alternative way of thinking.



When the problem is 90% their fault and 10% your fault, start by fixing the 10%.

It’s the only thing you have control over anyway.

This is especially important in relationships. If your spouse isn’t doing their part with housework, bill paying, or whatever, and this is an ongoing point of conflict, think about the things you can improve in the relationship.

If you’re at work and your business partner had 2 things to do and only did one of them, start by making sure both of your tasks are done well. It’s the only thing you can truly control.

Taking the responsibilities of others on ourselves and letting it cause us stress is a sure way to increase anxiety and frustration. Instead, focus on what you can change, respectfully explain what frustrates you, and understand that you just cannot change anyone else. You just can’t.

If your spouse is calling you names, but you respond by doing the same thing, start by fixing your part of the issue. It’s what you have power over.

Even Jesus spoke on this issue when he said, “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?” (Luke 6:42 NIV). Of course, this is not to say that you should ignore the other’s mistakes, but if you have any part in the issue, consider cleaning up your act first. In some cases, you may be surprised to find the other person working on the problem themselves once you initiate the change in yourself.

What do you think? Is there an issue in your life that you need to fix your 10% on? Share in the comments below!

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